Stormy Weather

Hmmmm.  Life is funny.  Or not.

So much of what I would typically put down on paper as been obscured of late because of work.  I think all of us have this idea about how our "life plan" is going to work out.  For people my age, we've been driving toward the end zone, navigating the bumps and pitfalls but hopefully, keeping within the width of the road.  However, the epic fail of the economy in 2008 and 2009 threw so many of our plans to the wind that we have had to claw our way back to the road, sweep up the debris, and try to get the car started again.  Even if it only has three wheels left.

I was fortunate.  The crash cost us my well paying job and our savings but in the end, we were blessed (genuinely) with what was happening in Bob's career at the time.

In total, between a job with an ill-fated magazine, I spent two years unemployed before landing at my current position.  And I thought to myself, this is it.  I will be here until retirement.  And my current position, while paying far less than anything I have made in a long while, suits me fine.  The operative word, apparently, being me.

The industry I am currently in is in crisis.  Government funding that sustains it is severely cut and so our little company is evolving.  But it does not have the luxury of a normal evolutionary process - it must take place a warp speed.  I liken it to having to turn an ocean liner 180 degrees on a dime.  And so, everything, and everyone is under the glass.  And this scrutiny adds additional weight to an already stressful situation.  Still, I am grateful for work, and I like the product that I sell.  It is important and it adds value to the industry.

Recently however, I was given, completely out of the blue and with no warning whatsoever, a written warning.  It was the first time I had ever experienced such a thing in my life.  I have sat on the other side of the desk before.  I know the seriousness of such a thing, now in my employee file.  The charges confused me.  They were three one-time incidences that were, at least in my mind, minor and forgettable - certainly not notable.  But here they were - in writing - and I was devastated.  Apart from the blot on my record and the feeling that I am being squeezed out, my feelings were hurt.  Really hurt. I couldn't help but feel "why are they doing this to me?"

So here is what I have learned.  The workplace can be a war zone.  There is no room for feelings on the job.  

In all of this employment turmoil since being laid off from Disney four years ago, I am finally beginning to really understand something about being employed that I believe everyone needs to learn in order to survive unscathed.  We spend so much of our lives in our work that we often define ourselves by what we do.  The is our first mistake,  The second mistake we make - and a much graver one than the first - is believing in what our employers think of us.  Whether wildly successful or just clinging on, we are not who they think we are and we are certainly not who they say we are.  That is not to say that proactive reaction to what they say is not necessary.  It is.  If we want to keep our jobs, we must address what our bosses tell us to address - even if we don't understand or agree.  But to keep grounded during such a time we have to hang on to what is actually true - that being that who we really, truly are can be found in God.  Alone.  And with that unwavering knowledge fueling us we can stay on course, regardless of the storm.

So it appears dark clouds are looming.  I have no idea what is next.  I am working my tail off to do a superlative job, but who knows what decisions have already been made, and for what reasons - regardless of my efforts.  It feels weird.  It is weird.  But as I heard in church this past week, we must be content with much or with little.  God is enough, whatever comes.  That is a promise.

He has not let me down.  Not once.