Jane's Breasts

Last week, Jane ("Reconnected", August 6, 2009) had these beautiful photographs of her gorgeous 52-year-old-but-who'd-ever-believe-it body taken.  They were taken as her "before" photos.  This week she will have a mastectomy.  Lurking behind those beautiful breasts are unwanted collections of rogue cells.  She has cancer.

Can't you tell?

Jane wanted pictures taken of her body before her surgery.  When I first saw these photos, the sight of her loveliness so distracted me from the subject at hand that the only thing that crossed my mind was "did mine ever look that good?"

I haven't really spoken with Jane in a while so this news was very jarring.  As I have been reading her inspiring Facebook page (My Journey With Breast Cancer), I have given a lot of thought to Jane and me.  And our breasts.

I have spent a great deal of my adult life being frightened of facing what Jane is facing now.  And one day it could be me as easily as it could be any other woman, so I really tried to put myself in Jane's shoes.  It led me to focus on the importance of a woman's breasts during her life.

We see our breasts every single day of our lives.  I developed modesty about my nipples when I was about 5.  So just think - we had awareness of them even then.  At 11, I realized how much toilet paper it took to fill the space between my flat chest and my mother's bra.  At 12, I prayed that they would start to grow.  Already.  PLEASE!  At 13, when my breast buds started to develop, they hurt and I wondered if I would ever sleep on my stomach again.  At 14, I experienced the power they gave me.  Boys noticed me.  Later in my life, they were an important part of my sexuality.  As a mother, they represented life.  As a woman, they are part of me.  I have dressed to cover them properly while at the same time trying to accentuate them. There is intrigue and mystery and beauty in women's breasts.  It seems to me that if I were to lose them, I would experience true grief.  All women would.

Jane is surely feeling that too.  And I'm sure she is scared and that tears come easily.

It would be easy to be terrified and anxious and angry and paralyzed by news of cancer.  I would struggle with those emotions.  But what Jane seems to have come to terms with is that breast cancer - cells turning against her body - can be treated and overcome.  Ultimately it is temporary. Even for those who die.   What she knows is that the true terror, the real danger is cancer of the spirit.  It is eternal.  From that, Jane is safe.  For Jane, there is no other way: she chooses life.  Big life.  She has embraced this darkness and shed her own, enormous light upon it.  Nothing to fear.  There it is.  And soon it will be gone.  Without her breast, she is undiminished.

It occurs to me that Jane has been going through a season of big purse dumping.  And this week, when her surgery is over, it will be empty.  And pristine.  And she will begin to fill it again.  But with the wisdom of a life she has always to live with joy and courage, she will be selective and purposeful about what goes back in.  Because she knows she is defined not so much by what she carries in her purse, but what she doesn't.  And defeat and sorrow and self pity will not find its way in there.

And that's Jane.

So my prayer for her is that she feels herself comfortably nestled in the palm of God's merciful and loving hand, that His healing breath envelop her, that His spirit fill her and draw her nearer to Him over these next several months, and that she has written on her heart: "For I know the plans I have for you, sayeth the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I'm betting the "after" pictures will be equally stunning.




Jane is going to need a little financial help though - if you feel so inclined, you can give a little at this website:
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/5345/jane-george-s-breast-cancer-fund

Battle Weary but Back

In the beginning.  No job worries.

I took some time off.   It was a tough year.

Not that everything was bad - it wasn't.  There was a lot of fun stuff too.  But I was on the wrong end of the age and weight spectrum at my job.  And it never occurred to me that that I would ever have to face something like that.

I won't pretend to know what real, lifelong discrimination is about.  I just know what my little year-long struggle was like.  I can't imagine how people survive serious lifelong discrimination without hurting someone.  I guess they have many dreams of retribution.  I did.

We got new management.  I can say without too much hyperbole that the new top dog was as dumb as hair.  Came in and fired just about everyone - but me.  But then came a year of transparent and ridiculous obstacles and attempts to cause me to fail or quit.  I know how corporate structures operate so I knew HR would not be of significant help.  And of course, I was right.   It had nothing to do with performance.  I fought back for nearly a year until they found a way to make sure I would leave.  They changed the requirements of my job.  Suddenly I was required to have more years of experience in the industry than I had.  Nothing I can do about that.  So without notice I was replaced and they moved me over to a position I was not suited for.  In spite of the fact that I was their top producer.

And all the while, they smiled warmly.  Hmmmm.

And that's all there is to say about that.

In walks God, though.  Within three weeks of deciding to surrender, I found myself at a wonderful company that I love.  Management that I love.  Product that I love.  And the package wasn't bad either. I'm into my 4th month there and still feel happy.  Happy about my job.  I had forgotten what that was like.

But for those who never get to the other side of their battle - I don't know what to say.