What I Really Think of Professional Resumes

As I mentioned in my first post, I have never been unemployed until now so I never had a need for a "killer" resume.  I had a resume and it was truthful, but it was pretty basic.

When I was laid off, I had to go searching for for my resume.  It took me over a week to find it and when I did find it it seemed to me to be pretty straight forward -  I just needed to update it a bit.  My resume was created with a standard font.  It had no special graphics.  It consisted of a simple summary statement (basically what I was looking for in a job) and then a list of the considerable responsibilities I carried in my various positions.  Responsibilities,  at least I felt, spoke very well of me.  Disney offered me (as part of my severance package), several weeks with a transition company.  I showed them my resume and learned immediately that it was, frankly, sh-t (not their actual word, but it was implied).  

Oh.  Okay.

I sat with a very nice guy named Tony who explained to me what my resume needed to look like and how it needed to read.  He asked me a lot of questions about my "accomplishments".  My resume, as it stood, made no reference to any of my accomplishments.  I stared blankly at him.  What did he mean?  He explained that no one was interested in what my job responsibilities were.  Prospective employers want to know what makes me extraordinary.  What mind-blowing things had I done for the company? What big wins could I attribute to my creativity and out-of-the-box thinking?  What awards and recognitions had I received?   What super-hero feats had I exhibited?  Huh???

I needed some time to think about this.  I had felt that the fact that I had done my job well for all these years was my significant accomplishment.  I had taken on each responsibility and challenge given me, I had done the best job I could and it had paid off - for me and the company. When necessary, I went above and beyond and I worked hard to overcome obstacles, more often than not with success.  I assisted in the creation of programs and presentations and I got along well with my peers.  I did my freakin' job.  There needs to be more?

I started thinking how inadequate my accomplishment story was.  How stupid was I to have thought that simply being a loyal employee and doing my job well was what made me a valuable employee.   Why hadn't I made a point of doing something unimaginable?  I started thinking of  all those other people out there with spectacular accomplishments, who were so better qualified for any good paying job than I.  They had far more to offer a prospective employer than anything I could offer.  I probably wasn't even that talented. I had just been lucky and my luck had just run out.  I got depressed. I seriously began thinking that I may only be qualified for an entry level position.  Clearly, I could not compete with my peers.   I had just done a good job.  For 15 years.  With good performance reviews and raises. For 15 unaccomplished years.  What an idiot.  I had done nothing!

Then I began to think about others I knew who were in the same predicament.  They weren't concerned about their resumes.  They sometimes even spoke of the strength of their resumes. I had awareness of their work.  Had I missed the fireworks of their career?  Was I looking the other way when they put on a cape and flew through the clouds?  Had their employers gone into bankruptcy as a result of having let them go?  Had their accomplishments been so superior to mine?

Apparently, yes.  But actually, no.  What they had that I didn't have was spin. 

Now before I upset anyone, there are a healthy handful of people who really do have that 4.5 GPA resume to waive about.  And there are sales awards a-plenty.  My company didn't award them.  I think I would have been given at least one if they had.  (In 2005, for sure.) But it is absolutely impossible for everyone out there to have had the kind of superlative story that today's market evidently requires a resume to boast. There just isn't that much business to be gotten so spectacularly.

And then I had my Oprah "ah-ha moment".  (I've learned about the "ah-ha moment" since being laid off.  Because, yes, I have watched Oprah since being laid off.)  The "ah-ha moment" came when I realized that accomplishments could be fairly mundane.  They just need to sound amazing.  Here is an example from my own resume:

"Researched and analyzed shifts and trends in marketplace for the purpose of creating proactive, customized programs that met company and client objectives leading to increase of individual account revenues by as much as 400%."

Basically, what that means is that I stayed on top of my business by listening to my client's needs, developing a program that met those needs and increased business.  Hummmm.  That sounds an awful lot like, like... what is the word I'm looking for?  Oh yes!  Sales!  Oh and that 400% increase - that could have been taking a $30,000 piece of business and turning it into a $120,000 piece of business.  Far more spectacular was the $250,000 piece of business turned to $500,000.  But 400% sounds like a bigger accomplishment.  I can talk about the half million sale in the interview.  And your resume needs to be littered with enough of the latest corporate babble to let the reader know you're in the game.  And I think most people who use those terms regularly only know the meaning of about half of them.  That, or they hide behind them.

There is no lying in "spin".  And in truth, sometimes we do fail to recognize our own accomplishments because doing what you have to do to succeed is just part of the job.  So it can be a good thing when we are made to "drill down" (corporate babble) and find the gems.  But in the real world it was an accomplishment to simply sustain a lot of my business.  It is also the truth that I lost some as well.  And I guarantee that the owner of the 4.5 GPA resume lost business too.

In the end, I am suspicious of resumes.  I think it is ridiculous that we have to think of doing our jobs in terms of doing something incomparable.  I'll bet it has probably led to some people believing they actually have done something incomparable.  I don't know, maybe that's a good thing.  I know a resume is a critical part of the job hunt.  Maybe the most critical part of it.  But wouldn't it be great to be able to represent ourselves plainly?  It took a really long time (many appointments with Tony) and a lot of effort to turn my sh-ty little resume into something that is accomplishment based and worthy.   But if you "drill down" further, you will learn what the sh-ty resume said in the first place.  I did my best and I did my job well.  I don't think anyone can ask for more than that.