Miracles Undeserved

As we end the year, and as of 2:25 p.m. on Wednesday the 29 of December I am shamed.

If I am to be honest, I spend a good deal of my time being angry and resentful of a lot of things. I have a very hard time "letting go", "forgiving", "finding joy". And it isn't because I want to be this way. I don't. But it has become such a habit that it seems ingrained as "memory behavior". I don't know how to let go or forgive or find joy. I swear to you I don't.

But this much I know. While I am among the most undeserving of people, God comes through for me again and again and again. And I have no idea why. I can think of uncountable people who are kinder, gentler people. With softer hearts. With unconditional love. And I'm sure God works in their lives too - but He seems to shed miracles on me and my family and I swear, I am getting to a point where I can hardly believe it. Frankly, it is almost scary.

God is awesome. No matter if you don't believe, it is a fact. There is no "luck" or "coincidence". There is no "fate". There is just God. And I am sitting here, trying like hell to figure out why He keeps showing up, so amazingly, in my life.

Our family has had extreme sorrows - but it has also had more than its share of true miracles, witnessed and experienced. And as I sit here today, nursing my grudges, another highly unlikely prayer was answered and I cannot fathom it. And this house will sleep a little easier tonight. And we have NOTHING to do with it.

So at 2:39 p.m. I will post this and thank God that He is good. And I will pray that His blessings on us extend to you as well. And most importantly, I pray for the strength to allow Him to make me a kinder, gentler person - one who might be more deserving of His attention.

Truly, God bless you all.