On Reinvention

This morning I turned on Good Morning America and heard Juju Chang tell me that unemployment is down to levels not seen since March 2009!

Well, Juju, here's the problem: I was unemployed then too. If there were a fifth horseman of the Apocalypse, if would be called unemployment.

This is getting more than a little annoying. I refuse to believe that I am a dinosaur but if I am one, I have to learn how to evolve so that I can avoid extinction. Not to sound depressed, but "reinvention" is nothing more than a buzz word if you haven't got an idea. SO here are a few "reinvention ideas" I am working on:

1. Princess. I'm thinking I might declare myself of royal (if not somewhat tainted) blood and convince the government to utilize some of your tax dollars to support me and "the fam". Now I wouldn't require Balmoral mind you, my current residence suits me fine. But I will be needing some repair and updating and a staff of one to cook and clean. The upside is obvious. The downside: Headaches from wearing a crown all day.

2. Movie Star. Now this might be in my reach because I can reactivate my SAG card. I am somewhat particular here though. I need to be of the Meryl Streep variety and not so much the "whatever happened to?" variety. The downside: That pesky George Clooney.

3. Lottery Winner. Poof! I get the golden ticket. And why not? The downside: There is no downside to this.

4. Writer. "Ba-blah, ba-ba-blah, blah, blah." And who wouldn't find that fascinating? The downside: Likelihood of making money only after I'm dead? High.

5. Weight Loss Guru. Everywhere you look people are making ga-zillions telling people how to lose weight. I have a great idea how to do it too! The downside: I'd actually have to do it.

6. Oprah's Best Friend. Move over Gale. I can make as much out of nothing she can. Not that she isn't smart and talented. She probably is, how would I know? But so am I. The only difference? The "O Factor". The downside: Oprah. (Although you can't really blame her. If you are Oprah, how can you not think you're some kind of Oprah?)

Feel free to weigh in. All these and more are being contemplated. And just in case you're wondering why "Find a Job" is not in there, well, I'm trying. But at nearly 54 years of age and no college degree, my months of experience trying to achieve this endeavor are telling me that I should probably stop living in a fantasy world.