The Tree

I have started four different posts - all are in "draft" and I cannot get them finished. I am overwhelmed by all the demands of this past week - and nothing is completed.

I am sitting in my living room - alone - which is really great. There is no noise, save the dishwasher, and I have put the tree together. By that I mean the three big sections of the big expensive fake tree we bought six years ago (because I was always afraid of fire with the real ones), have been assembled, fluffed and plugged in. For years we went out in early December to every tree place in the city and would spend $100+ on a real 6' Douglass Fir. By the third day I couldn't smell the pine anymore and by Christmas week 50% of the needles were on the floor and the other 50% resembled matchsticks begging to be lit. Plus the carpet was soaked from trying to water the base of the tree and missing. Every. Single. Time. So the genuine Douglas Fir fake is now part of our holiday tradition. And Glade pine scented air spray if anyone insists. I notice now that a string of lights has permanently gone out on my fake tree. Oh well. We'll survive this season with a tree that has a black hole.

Everyone is out. Bob is at rehearsal (he's the Rat King in the Nutcracker - did I mention he's a ballet dancer?), Grace is playing outside with her friend. Jenny's at work. Amanda and Christine are out trying to figure out how to buy a real tree. I just got a call asking if they could bring home a little one to put in Grace's room. I cannot find the floor in Grace's room so I'm thinking that is a no go. In fact, I cannot find the floor in Amanda or Christine's room either. Guess my answer.

I have to get up soon and pull down all the boxes of ornament and house decorations. I spent many years being completely insane about the season so I have about 10 boxes and bins chock full of stuff. I don't pull down more than 4 anymore. It starts to feel too claustrophobic. In previous years my house didn't resemble my house so much as a Christmas crap store. Now I have the tree and only a few other things but I can breathe. I have a friend who takes a week to decorate her home (with two trees!) and leaves it up all through January as well. Now THAT is holiday cheer. And I was there once before to see it and it is gorgeous. But for me, the whole thing comes down January 2nd - no exceptions. And doesn't it feel like I just put it all away about three weeks ago or something?

Tonight though, we will have hot cider and sugar cookies and put on Christmas music and we will go through the ceremony of finding all our favorite ornaments and putting them on the tree. I will likely lose my mind at some point and yell at everyone to slow down or they will break something and once everyone has left the room I will rearrange the ornaments so they make better sense - but this night is something the family looks forward to. And when it is all done, I will sit alone with a fire, stare at the tree and think of my mom, who had Christmas magic within her and who I miss desperately every year at this time. And as it happens today would have been her 73rd birthday.

But now I must go because I hear what I know are NOT Santa's reindeer on the roof. Grace and her friend have somehow gotten up there and are running around, I'm sure thinking that they can't be heard. I swear, Grace is getting coal.