Amanda

To say that my daughter Amanda and I have had a tumultuous relationship would be a tremendous understatement. I wonder if it is because we share no genes that we have such a difficult time understanding one another. She is very much like her birth mother, Anne. Since she only was with her mother for the first 20 months of her life it is amazing to me to see the similarities. I loved Anne like my sister. I love Amanda; she is my daughter. But the wild and crazy qualities that make an ideal sister are not necessarily the same you would hope for in a ideal daughter.

Now you need to understand that Amanda is a truly great person. She is a people magnet and people don't just love her, they LOVE her. (Like an ideal sister.) Part of what makes people love her is 1)There is absolutely nothing Amanda wouldn't do for a friend, and 2) There is apparently nothing Amanda wouldn't do. Period.

This has been the case with Amanda since the beginning. At first it was darling - she was fearless, jumping into every experience she could get into. But once she got into elementary school it became clear that this was a girl who liked to live on "the edge" and I have spent my life avoiding the edge. You can fall off the edge. I was determined to make certain that she didn't fall. But what I was to learn was that no one, least of all me, could tell her what to do. Her fierce independence wouldn't allow it. She saw herself as the pilot of her own plane and she was not about to become anyone's passenger - even if they just wanted to teach her to fly. She'd figure it out on her own. And while she crashed on occasion - she didn't burn.

Now don't get me wrong. She doesn't do drugs. She doesn't belong to a cult. She doesn't walk naked through the streets (at least I hope she doesn't - she might have... Oh God! Lalalalalalalalalalalalala-I-am-not-hearing-hear-that-thought-lalalala..) But Amanda, like Anne, loves an "adventure". "An adventure" is defined by something most people wouldn't do and preferably, offers a little bit danger. Oh! and yes - if it will piss me off - it gets thrown to

the top of "1,000,000 things Amanda needs to do before she dies" list. Least among those 1,000,000 things to do that pissed me off was to make sure that no photo of her existed without either a modern day Ann-Margret, sex kitten, kissie pose or one that featured her tongue. Most everything Amanda did in high school pissed me off. I am still picking the pieces of my brain off the ceilings from the uncountable times my head spontaneously exploded upon learning what she was up to. And as you have gathered by now (if you've been reading my blogs), "Live and Let Live" is not my motto. Mine is more "An Eye for an Eye". So I feel fairly certain some of her brains are up there co-mingled with mine. We were at war for four long years. It was painful. At one point she wanted to go to court to seek legal emancipation from me. Honest to God, that made me laugh for months. As if! But actually, sometimes it was that bad between us.

ANYWAY, I'll spare you all the stories. And in fact, they are not all bad. She could be charming and lovely and very kind and good. But if you had a rebellious child in high school, you know. If you're not there yet, good luck. The point I want to get at is that it all changed with college. Three years into university and away from me and she is perfect - well almost. She is an incredible student. She has a goal that she is making happen - by herself. She is responsible. She is kind. She is compassionate. She has amazing self control. She is a grown up. And yet...

And yet... we still have a hard time understanding each other. Trying to find our way is a bit like one step forward, two steps back. And when she makes choices I do not agree with or are in conflict with my beliefs, I feel like I am being slapped in the face. With an iron skillet. So this week, we had a big confrontation. About something that is very important to me. Not so important to her. And she chose to cross a line her dad and I drew and everyone involved got very hurt by the uproar it caused. And it still feels bruised.

BUT...

The Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Network Cares charity was one of the 100 out of 500,000 charities competing that won $25,000 from Chase Bank's Community Giving program/contest by gathering nearly 2,000 votes via Facebook. And while many people worked very hard to get people to vote (including myself), Amanda was relentless. Once she had exhausted her list of 700+ "friends" on Facebook, she got her friends to give her their passwords and she went after their friends. Working way past midnight, when college kids are just coming to life (like vampires!) she'd go on "chat" and I could see the numbers adding on the totals. She took her computer to school and to church and hounded people. She did it constantly and she didn't stop until they closed the voting polls.

And she did this because she is determined to save her sisters. And she will do anything it takes. She told me she had a conversation with God. She told Him she wanted to do something

HUGE! He told her to get started with this. She also told me she knew we would get the money because God told her He would make it happen. I am not going to argue with her because God talks to me as well. He told me not to worry about my girls - that they are going to be alright. But seeing Amanda's faith in action put me to shame. And if God is using Amanda - in spite of the fact that she crossed my "line" - perhaps I better let it go. Because apparently what is important to me isn't so important in the bigger picture. She is, after all, not my little girl anymore. She is an adult.

She's an amazing woman, Amanda. And you would LOVE her! I do.