My Big Fat Texan Family Reunion

A couple of months ago, my Aunt Lois Ann called me up and invited me to a Jackson Family Reunion. Aunt Lois Ann is the wife of my Uncle Howard, one of my father's two older brothers. A few years back we missed the opportunity to go to another one so this time I was "in" immediately.

Both my mother and father were born and raised in El Paso, Texas. Once married, they moved west and after a few migrations (including a year or two back to El Paso where I attended kindergarten), they settled in Fremont, California where my sisters and I grew up. The rest of the family - on both sides - stayed in Texas and so we didn't see them often.

As it happened, primarily because great grandma lived in Sacramento, I grew up knowing my mother's family better. My mother had one sister, my darling Aunt Barbara, and I saw her children much more frequently. By that I mean probably every three years or so.

We saw more of my father's family, the Jacksons, during that couple of years when I was very young and living in El Paso. I have strong and very wonderful "snapshot memories" of my Jackson aunts and uncles and cousins from back then. As well as some rather vivid ones from a trip we took as a family when I was 12 and one I took on my own at 13. And those were the last because with very rare and brief exception, it would be 40 years before I would see any of them again. And that would be just this past weekend.

We would be a gathering of descendants of Maggie Cown and two of her three husbands. (She was a dear grandmother but peculiar, to say the least.) I wanted all of my girls to come. None of my daughters, nor my husband had ever met this side of the family and I had no idea when they might get the chance again so we drained the vacation fund and all of us flew out for the event.

Neither my father nor my mother were particularly fond of El Paso and having grown up in California with its lush and diverse landscapes, oceans, mountains, and hills, seeing the flat deserts and dry mountains of El Paso as our plane flew in to land left me feeling a little depressed. I fought against a black mood as I had already had my traditional meltdown before leaving for vacation that morning. We got into our rented van and began our trip to Cloudcroft, New Mexico. Dennis (my cousin Kerry's son) had provided detailed directions which should have been more than enough but El Paso seems to have a law against street signs so we got lost for an hour before getting out of town. Once out though, we headed north for New Mexico for one long, straight, flat drive with nothing but desert and strangely flowering cactus (that looked like they had been designed by Dr. Seuss) laid out for us as far as the eye could see. I could not imagine living here. Once past Alamogordo though, we headed into the mountains and just like Dorothy opening the door Oz, the picture went from black and white to color.

I started to get a pit in my stomach. Not only had my family never met "the Jackson's" before, I would, for all intents and purposes, be meeting them for the first time. Jean Ann was my only cousin whose husband I had met. And I was 12. I had never met any of my other cousins' wives. I hardly knew the oldest of my cousins, Randy and Larry at all. Sons of the oldest brother (Uncle Fred), Randy and Larry were all grown up and married when I was little. I had never met any of the cousins' children (all now in their 30's, 40's, and 50s). And what's more, in my mind, the images of Uncle Howard, Aunt Lois Ann, Jean Ann, Kerry, Rodney, Randy and Larry were still from 1969. Oh my god! Had I made a mistake? Was it too late to turn back? With so few shared experiences and very different lives, I suddenly felt as though I had brought my family out for what would surely be a long weekend of extended awkwardness.

I was nearly jumping out of my skin by the time we pulled up to this marvelous lodge in the beautiful mountains and parked in front of the compound the family was staying in. I squinted to see if I could recognize anyone sitting on the patio. No, I could not. But suddenly, Aunt Lois Ann came running up to our car and I was in her arms like the "Prodigal Son". Seeing her was an emotional experience and I was glad I had my sunglasses on. I was going to be fine. One by one, I was reintroduced to my family and I honestly felt like I had come home. Upon seeing my Uncle Howard, I noticed for the first time how much he and my dad looked like each other - and how both of them looked like my grandmother, Maggie.

After about 15 minutes of introductions I sat down and started melting into the Jackson pot. Everyone was significantly older, but the same. In all, there were 25 of us - including my cousin Kerry and his wife's (Beverly), son's (Dennis) partner's (Todd) German grandmother Omi (Did you follow that?) Plus two dogs.

There was no end to the food and drink (and I mean drink) that had been set up over the pool table-turned-buffet. All the Tex-Mex favorites. And in no time at all, some little seed of "Texas Twang" in my brain sprung to life and I was dropping the "g" on my "ings" and saying "y'all" and talking with a hint of that soft, clipped Jackson accent. That first night, we celebrated Jean Ann's 61st birthday and Uncle Howard's 83rd.

The room(s) my family shared were beautiful. Two bedrooms and a sitting area with fireplace, a spa like bathroom (with huge jacuzzi tub) and a private balcony with wooden rocking chairs overlooking the trees. But I took little advantage of it. I didn't want to leave my family. The die-hards (me included) were up well past midnight the first night. I wanted to catch up on everything and there were years to get filled in on - but finally, I crashed and fell into bed.

At 5:00 a.m. I awoke to sounds in the common area. I got up and there were Randy and Rodney peeling potatoes and cooking up bacon for breakfast. They had already been to the store. I cannot fathom rising that early but this, apparently, is the norm for them. I put on a robe and sat down for some coffee and fun. One by one over the next hour, all the family made their way in. And we started "Day 2".

During the course of the day, family wandered in and out of that common area, giving everyone a chance to visit as a group and individually. We reminisced. I remembered thinking Jean Ann was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I was crazy about Rod and Kerry as a kid. In fact, I had a killer crush on Kerry. I remembered Rodney's kind words to me as a gawky, goofy 13-year-old living under the shadow of my sister Linda. He told me I was pretty and I will never forget it for as long as I live. Howard and Lois Ann were easy, comfortable and fun. I remembered Randy and Larry's parents, Uncle Fred and Aunt Jerry (both gone now) and how great they were. Both Randy and Larry are very much like their dad as I recall him. I remembered Randy throwing my sister Lisa - just a baby - into the air and catching her - and my mother nearly having a heart attack over it. Camping when Linda caught a frog. Swimming and riding horses and hearing the sounds of the Everly Brothers and Ricky Nelson emitting from Rodney and Kerry's bedroom. Being so excited when Jean Ann got married to Richard and had a baby, Kay Ann, now 41.

While not all of them could make it, I did get a chance to meet some of the "kids" - all in their 30's. All were truly wonderful people. I warmed immediately to Rodney's son Jeffrey who walked up gave me a big hug upon meeting me. He bought his lovely wife Diana all the way from Tennessee. Jean Ann's son, "little" Richard came with his partner, Henry, and was incredibly easy to talk to. He shared with me his interesting, often poignant, story. Dennis, Kerry's son, came with his partner Todd from Dallas. He had a big hand in orchestrating this reunion. Both were lovely people.

And everyone embraced my family as if they had been around all their lives. In return, my family instantly loved everyone - although keeping names straight was a little tough for them.

There was a little bit updating but mostly it was just a lot of getting to know one another now. There was no way to possibly fill a 40 year gap. Yet there was effortless acceptance and love. We were connected strangers. As schmaltzy as it sounds, we belonged to one another. Family is more than genetics. I love them all. Howard and Lois Ann. Randy and Mary Jo. Larry and Ida. Rodney and Marsha. Kerry and Beverly. Jean Ann and Richard. Jeffrey and Diana. Dennis and Todd. Richard and Henry. My family. Even Omi, who remarked that she had never been around a family who had such a good time being together. And I was so sorry my dad wasn't there.

Of course, I had to have one regrettable experience. I had heard that little Richard was a great singer and I begged him to sing. He declined. Finally I told him that I would chew a wad of Jeffrey's chewing tobacco if he would sing. He continued to decline. But Sunday morning, as we were all getting ready to leave, he opened up with a gorgeous rendition of "The Lord's Prayer" a cappella. It was really marvelous. But when he was finished I had to put a wad of chewing tobacco in my cheek. And let me tell you, I would have rather eaten a bug. But it was worth it.

Maggie Jackson 1901-1989