Top Stories of the Day

When I was a little girl (oh here we go again) the nightly news was either the Huntley-Brinkley Report or Walter Cronkite.

It was serious news.

The anchors wore suits and ties and spoke solemnly.  I don't remember any smiling.  It was a FULL 30 minutes of real world news of the day and as a little girl, I was appropriately bored to death by it.  But my dad and mom tuned in every night and we were quiet during this half hour because they were watching the news.

It was important.  It was almost scary.

The news has changed a lot since then.  It is ratings driven so there must be human interest as well as news.  And news stories complete for their place in a limited time allotment.  What is finally shown is chosen as much for its audience appeal as it is for its merit.  In fact, probably more.

Online news is questionable at best.  Your search engine captures what you view online and determines what your news preferences are.  That is what you are fed.  If you are an die-hard Republican, you are going to get your news from Fox.  If you are a die-hard Democrat, your news is likely going to be served from sources like The Huffington Post.  And on both sides you need fact checkers for the fact checkers.

In fact, there is no real news anymore (except arguably, Jon Stewart).   There is spin.  I have to be honest, I watch the news regularly but I do not have confidence that I have any idea what the hell is going on anymore.  Still, like robots, we tune in at 6:30.

So last night, on ABC World News, Diane Sawyer (whom we assume is a credible journalist or at least a credible talking head) presented - from what must have been uncountable pressing and important stories from the day - the few most important.  And here is what we got:

• Hurricane Sandy is coming and it will be really big.  
• Obama and Romney are both trying to win Ohio.  (This is not news).  
• Obama said that any Trick-or-Treaters who come from Ohio to the White House for candy will get giant candy bars.  
• Romney speaks in Ohio (saying whatever his audience wanted to hear). 
• Whoever wins the Massachusetts race will determine who has control of the Senate.  
• School buses in Baltimore run red lights.
• Commercial.  Blah, blah, blah.  

Now we will hear what has been happening in the rest of the world...  Because there is a rest of the world.  Or... so I was told. 

A reporter excitedly told us how one family sold old electronics laying around the house and made enough money to buy bunk beds for their daughters.  The girls squealed with delight.  The reporter told us we should do this too!  

Someone from Ella Fitzgerald's band, sitting in the orchestra pit at President's Kennedy's famous birthday party, recorded Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday Mr. President".  While we've seen this footage a million times before (ad nauseum) his film is in color!  It's old and the color has faded a lot but Marilyn's sparkly, form fitting dress appears to be some shade of pink.  This film will go up for auction next month.  

Research indicates that in the same way yawning can be contagious between humans, it may be contagious between humans and their dogs.

The end.  I'm not making this up.

But in case you're wondering, Diane needn't feel badly about the content of the program.  Delivering the news is only a secondary function of her job.  Her primary job is to deliver eyes.  Though, when the camera is turned off, I'll bet she throws up - just a little bit.

And so...good night - and good luck!  We'll certainly need it.