Song for a Hero

A year ago today, my dear friend Pete Kish was killed in the most horrific train disaster in California history. He left work and boarded the Metrolink train for home and you'll undoubtedly recall that his train collided with another. Because he liked to ride in the first cabin, we hoped that this one time, he had sat somewhere else but the next morning his death was confirmed. Mercifully, Pete had been killed instantly.

Many tributes have been paid to Pete - deservedly so - he was a truly wonderful and remarkable person. A true family man who lived a life of integrity and kindness. He had overcome a difficult childhood and he and his wife, Janice, made a commitment to making the right choices, doing the right things, and creating a loving household. Grace and their daughter Lori were best friends since they were babies and Grace loved to be at the Kish house. She remarked on the peacefulness there. Unlike the crazy Smith house, no one yelled there. And of all my male friends, I would say that my feelings toward him were feelings one would have for a brother. We did not agree about everything but it was no matter. He was like family. He was a devout Christian and lived a life without hypocrisy. I still can "see" him walking through my front door or sitting in the living room, or in his home, sitting in his chair or cooking in the kitchen. I still "see" him throwing his head back in laughter, or staring off in the distance for a moment with raised eyebrows and pursed lips while he considered a remark or an observation made. But I know where he is now and I have made peace with it.

So one year later, as we prepare to attend a memorial service being held this afternoon, it is not so much Pete as Janice who is on my mind. Bob and I, along with our pastor, were with her when we got the news. She did not cry. Shaken to the very core, in that moment, you could actually feel her pulling every ounce of courage she had within her body and making the excruciating moment-by-moment decision to put one foot in front of the other. One of the first things she said was "I think we should pray". Her thoughts went immediately to her two children, Lori (10 at the time) and Alex, just to turn 18 in 2 weeks time. She willed herself, heroically, to do more than function. She willed herself to live.

Naturally, as the Kish's are dear friends, Bob and I, along with others stayed close. And her sister and brother-in-law were her rocks, but it was Janice who took over. She, by strength, determination and example, led her family through the dark.

Intuitively, she knew that her children (especially Lori) would fear losing her, so she set about - immediately - to get herself in the best health possible. She changed her diet, started serious exercise and took extensive medical tests to assure her children that she was was healthy and would not be leaving them. (She looks terrific now, by the way.)

Unfathomably, two weeks before Christmas, their house caught fire due to a contractor leaving oil soaked cloths in a corner of their closed garage. They were all taken to hospital for smoke inhalation and then moved into a hotel until they could find a house to live in for the next 9 months. (They finally moved back into their home this week.) But Janice was a rock. And while I imagine she had many tearful nights behind her closed bedroom door, she never faltered in public - with her friends or with her children. She led them through this terrible year of "firsts" with strength, courage and even humor. I watched with admiration as she left her role of dutiful wife and mother, reliant on Pete, behind - and stepped into a role that can only be described as the Captain of a ship in serious distress, determined to keep it not only floating, but moving

forward. She did not turn over any responsibilities; she learned everything - all the things that had been taken care of for her. She conquered the computer (although, and I laugh, she still can't manage the remote to the TV), paying the bills, the complete financials of her household and all the mountains of unreadable legal paperwork involved with Pete's death and transfer of benefits, trusts, etc. She has become a force for insurance agents and lawyers to recon with. She is not anyone you mess with. And I am nothing short of amazed by her.

When Pete was with us, I spent most of my conversations with him. Since the accident, I have spent a great deal of time talking and listening to Janice. She has extraordinary wisdom. She has extraordinary love. She has an extraordinary story. She has emerged from this terrible year victorious. And I don't think I would have.

The greatest tribute that I can give Janice though, and the only one that will be truly meaningful to her, is to say that there is no doubt that as Pete watches over them, he is full of pride for her. And at the core, I know that her monumental effort and struggle to rise above the unthinkable tragedy of his death, devastation to her home, and the unbelievable difficulties they have faced these past 12 months, to not crumble or retreat, to not just hold her family together but to see them through, were motivated by her strong desire to honor him. They were that kind of couple. And she is that kind of person.

Janice Kish is a hero.