Halloween? Boo!

Yesterday I got my first "hate comment". Actually it wasn't hate so much as generally critical. It came from someone who called him/herself "The Crap Blog Detective" and having read (apparently) only my most recent post, believed that I was actually enjoying unemployment and therefore told me that I was a "useless member of society". I imagine too that he didn't like my writing. He didn't say that specifically but you gotta figure. I deleted it but I also laughed because if this person really is who he claims to be (his photo was dressed as Sherlock Holmes), I can't think of anything more useless than spending time trolling blog sites in search of those he can deem "crap". BUT, he claims his residence to be "United Kingdom". If that's not a ruse to go along with the Sherlock costume, how cool! Someone from another country has read this! He may hate it but it's getting around I guess.

Anyway, today is Halloween. Ugh!!!! It begins when Grace (as her sisters before her) goes out with a pillow case to collect 10 pounds of candy that unless carefully monitored, can magically turn into 20 pounds of fat on me. I hate Halloween. The Kish's have always hosted a Halloween party that begins with a pot luck that has, for some reason, always turned into a festival of cheese. Cheese pizza, Mac 'n Cheese (gourmet, no less), cheese doodles, lasagne and cheese... I would go on but what's the point? I'm a slave to melted mozzerella. And I really want to know how is it that a teeny little Snickers piece can do so much damage? It defies science, doesn't it?

Truth is, even as a kid I didn't care that much about it. And as an adult? Well I'm just not "into" dress up. It's a lot of effort for what? Maybe its because I have a background in the theatre and I got all that "costume stuff" out of my system. I'd rather just throw a dinner party.

Also, since we live up a rather steep hill, we have never had a single trick-or-treator in all the years we've lived here. And the first few years, I was really disappointed by that. Back then I really did want to open the door to little fairies and Power Rangers, but they only travel in the flats. Which meant that we had to drive our kids out of our neighborhood to trick-or-treat and that took all the fun out of it. We didn't get to go to the neighbors. No one up here even buys candy.

Halloween has changed considerably since I was a kid too. When I was a kid, you went as a hobo or a gypsy (although in the 5th grade my girlfriend Becky Boyle and I went as a pair of dice) and you took a grocery bag and ran around the neighborhood - unescorted - collecting candy and homemade stuff like popcorn balls, candy apples, and rice krispy treats. And if you went out after the 6th grade you were a registered weirdo.

Now, of course, I have to look through an entire pillow case full of candy and throw out anything that might possibly look tampered with - and all kids get chaperoned regardless of age. I just throw Bob in a wig and a tutu - but even he didn't bother this year. And now, you're still "going out" through high school. (Truly, my girls came home with candy when they were sophomores!) But the idea of "costume" is just an excuse for girls to get all sexed up. Eager to wear micro minis, lots of makeup and Victoria Secret push-up bras, they say they are going as "the 80's" or "catholic schoolgirls" - euphemisms for going as what my mother would have called "tarts". And of course there are no end to the "parties" they can drop in on. Ones they hope parent won't be at. Being sexy to the extreme at 13 is a bit off-putting to say the least, and sadly they don't grow out of it until sometime after college where guys can show up to parties in a cowboy hat holding a water pistol but girls still go as Playboy Bunnies or sexy kittens and drink a lot of jello shots. It's just icky.

But in spite of it all, this year Grace told me what she wanted to go as and I made her costume and I am so excited about it that I have to post the picture because not only did it turn out well, it made me feel a little bit like a "Suzy Homemaker" and boy, is that a foreign feeling. And it is exciting because I hope I am making some kind of memory for her so that that when she gets

old and resentful (as we all can do occasionally with our parents), and she claims "You never did anything for me", I can say in a feeble old voice: "Remember the Queen of Hearts costume".

So here is is - not bad for a "useless member of society".