Job Dreams

It is never a good thing to get excited about job opportunities. The whole counting the chicken before it has hatched theory. To say nothing of how depressed bursted bubbles can make you feel. Let me tell you, I work very hard to stay grounded through anything regarding possible employment. But yesterday I learned that a hire decision for job back in the peripheral Disney family has not yet been made - meaning (one could surmise) - that I may still be in consideration and then today, I learned that a job I really, really wanted several months ago might have an opening again.

So I am fantasizing about employment and salaries and benefits and what that would mean for our family and I feel compelled to tell myself: "Stop it. You're not going to get it."

Isn't that awful??

I have to say - it is for protection that I tell myself this. Regular rejection really gets to you after a while. I know that I am in competition with hundreds of other qualified candidates for every single position I might apply for - so it is as much a numbers game as anything else, but still - to be mentally defeated in advance, can't help anything at all. Which leaves me with the question: what is the right attitude to take?

It's not like I am sitting around being a blob all the time. Well, not all the time. And some very good things have come out of my unemployment - this blog, for instance. I am picking up readers all the time and it is gratifying - so thank you everyone who reads this! You are making my days! And I have begun to step outside my own little self-involved world and have actually been useful as a volunteer and a friend. Go figure. I am getting along better with my girls. Really go figure. I am not in a panic. I mean, I swear, if all this change wasn't so positive, it would actually be disturbing. Because I barely recognize myself. Apart from that wake-up-in-the-morning-a-total-b-tch part. And of course the "what-do-you-mean-you-don't-agree-with-me-you-must-be-and-idiot" part. And the I-can't-possibly-be-as-fat-as-I-look-in-that-photo-so-why do-you-look-the-same-in-it part. But too much change all at once can be stress inducing. Like getting a major face lift and looking at yourself in a mirror and not being able to recognize the reflection. Very scary. Best to go a little at a time.

But you know what? It is a beautiful clear day and I am excited about these two potential opportunities - even if I don't really have an easy shot at them. Even if neither really has any interest in me at all. Apparently, there are possibilities still out there to dream about, to be hopeful about. Even if those possibilities wind up being the answer to someone else's prayers. Someone who needs it even more than I do. And while this has been no picnic - AT ALL - I have to admit that we are not as bad off as others. And were I to find employment again, I would do well to remember that to whom much is given, much is expected. In the end, I suppose the right attitude is to do my best and then put it in God's hands. I have no control over it. And, it appears, He is busy working on me some.