The AARP is Driving Way to Close Behind Me

Yes, they are way too close. And if I had to brake quick, they'd be in my lap. It is so completely bizarre to these two babies - are talking about retirement. And more bizarre still is that we should be talking about it. But these photos of Bob and me are in black and white - not sepia - and we are smiling - not stone faced like the baby photos of my grandparents. It is unfathomable to me that we are discussing pensions, social security, the health (or not) of our IRAs and 401K, Medicare, Long Term Care Insurance, and at what point it no longer makes sense to pay for a life insurance policy.

It is totally bad enough that the AARP keeps sending me crap in the

mail. Or that I alone seem to be responsible for the integrity of L'Oreal Hair Color's annual sales figures. But the tsunami sized wave of aging reminders - when I just got done talking about whether or

not to keep up the Tooth Fairy charade - is just, well, weird. I mean, I'm coming to realize that my morning aches and pains are not so much about sleeping in a strange position as they are about warnings of more painful mornings to come.

And it's funny too because I remember being very young and watching "The Lawrence Welk Show" with my grandma (it was her favorite) and listening to the Geritol commercials. And while I liked watching with Grandma (remember Bobby & Cissy?), I knew then that this was programming for old people. And old people seemed like a different species. Is that how young children view me? Don't I seem ageless and cool? Well if I am truthful the answer is - no. Not at all.

I realize that my rants about getting old know no end (sorry) but I must tell you that it isn't so much an obsession as it is a fascination! Time rolls along and it takes me with it. Like everyone else my age (or thereabouts), it doesn't feel like it - but look at my neck and there it is.

So anyway, like a lot of responsible mid-aged adults we are looking to secure our investments (ha!) so we're about to go look at buying and "income property". Something we can buy outright with the 401K funds and use as income for the looming retirement years. And there really are some excellent properties for sale at prices we will never see again. Largely due to short sales - and finding gain from someone else's financial devastation makes me feel a little guilty. To say nothing of the fact that it is a HUGE step. Not only from an investment standpoint, but from the realization that we actually don't have 25 more years to recover from any further financial mess that we might make. Not that we are fully responsible for the hits we took to our retirement funds in the fall of '08. But we did stand by - incredulously - and take the full ride down the "great Dow Jones slope of tears", with our jaws on the floor - saying at each milestone (10% loss, 20%, 25%, 30%): "we can't pull out now, we'll miss the recovery that certainly must be coming tomorrow". And so we lost 40%. Ahem.

So we're going to scout out Temecula this weekend. Sounds like a disease. But we really do have to get serious about retirement plans because I am 62 in nine years.

Do they still make Geritol?