Mirror of Truth

Please. Shoot. Me.

I have been dying my hair since I was in my 20s. And if you dye your hair (and let's face it, who doesn't?) you are very familiar with the fact that a little teasing or a messy part can hide the 1/8" of root growth for a very long time. And then one morning, out of nowhere, your roots went from 1/8" to 1.5" overnight and nothing will hide it. Save a hat.

So you know where I am going. This morning I get up, grab a coffee, go to the office/bedroom, sit down, turn on the computer, make a phone call - and then - I look to my left. Immediately to my left are the mirrored closet doors of this former bedroom and I was only mildly aware of them before - but this morning, with one quick glance, the wind is completely knocked out of me.

"Am I wearing a skunk on top of my head?"

No, that cannot be, and yet there it is - a very skunk-like wide stripe of white running down the crown of my head and even without my glasses, I can clearly see it. So I get up and look and OMG - it is a total silver streak. I mean, I am completely gray! Completely! I tried to imagine what I would look like if I let it go.

Very bad. Very bad.

So I am sitting in the chair and now I see it through my peripheral vision all day long. Not only that - but is that my stomach? Good lord! Is that what it looks like? And I know I'm not sitting on a pillow so that must be my ass. So tell me, how am I supposed to work under these conditions?

One could always cover the mirrors in black sheets - like they used to do in the old days when you were in mourning. And I suppose I am mourning - mourning the death of self deception - a blissful place I have lived for a long time. Evidently. I mean I knew I needed to lose weight. And I knew I had gray. But there is no denying what I now see so clearly. And you spell that G-R-A-N-D-M-A. Except I'm not one.

Do I even remotely resemble the the woman I see in my head? My mother used to throw her head back in every photo taken of her. I always wondered why. I thought it made her look "haughty". Now I know. She was trying to hide a weakening chin. The mirror is a built-in incentive for total renovation.

I am not 30. Who knew.