10 Years Old

Today was Grace's birthday. She turned 10. We (the whole family plus Grace's friend Lori) spent three hours fighting holiday weekend traffic to get to the Santa Monica Boardwalk but once we got there, she had a marvelous time and I was so glad about that. I took pictures of the day and found that it wasn't difficult at all to realize that a decade had passed since she was born. Sometime it feels like she should be 20.

I think there is a general agreement that the passage of time changes speed depending on where you are in life. Right now, it seems to be moving at warp. I know it will slow down again when things settle, but today I had reason, with Grace's 1oth, to take a moment and remember when a year felt like a century. I had received a diary as my primary birthday gift when I turned 10. I had it stored away in a box in the garage and I actually took the time to find it to show to Grace. My first entry reads as follows:

June 21, 1967. Today I got this diary, a paint by numbers set and a record because it is my birthday. I turned 10. My mother wouldn't let me in her room all day. I had a huge birthday cake. I had a very nice time!!! Valri Jackson

The last entry in this diary reads:

June 20, 1968. Dear Diary, Today Gary came over and told me I was nice but not cute but pretty. He rode me on my bicycle and bought me a glass of Kool-Aid. It isn't that romantic but its a start. Oh Dear Diary I love him so much.

In reading that entry my memory returned to that day and I saw it so clearly: Gary, the red bicycle with the banana seat he rode me on (in circles on Evelena Court where I lived), the Kool-aid (the neighbors around the corner had a Koolaid stand), and most of all, the fact that he had said I was pretty. What a day! And it was.

In the year between those entries, I talked a lot about TV shows I watched - "Tonight we watched 'The Monkees' and for the first time my mom laughed!", "F-Troop", "Bewitched", "Lost in Space", "Let's Make A Deal" ('A couple won $5,167 in cash!!!') - I was big on exclamation points - "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." My beloved "Dark Shadows". Does anyone remember that? Barnabus Collins, Josette and the beautiful but evil vampiress Angelique. (Twilight? Feh.)

I wrote about my friends - Margie and Kathie, Debbie Gobel, Cindy Hanson, and Becky Boyle my dearest friend in 4th grade. It was she, another un-popular girl who became my school friend when me moved across town in the middle of my 4th grade year and I had no one. I loved her. My eyes well with tears when I think of her because I think she was the most important person in my life that year - the only person in my life that year. She saved me from being lonely. It was Becky and I who would run home as fast as we could from school, to see the latest installment of "Dark Shadows". We made our own costumes out of boxes and went as a pair of dice for Halloween. She had two sisters who were grown up and on their own and her parents were older than the other parents. That was the one thing I felt sorry for her about. In those days it was extremely uncommon to have parents in their late 40's or 50's - and I think it embarrassed her.

I wrote of my family. My mom and dad, Linda, Lisa. Staying up late, babysitters, school, spelling tests, sleeping on sponge rollers, birthday parties, getting in trouble, getting mad, getting sick, Grandma and Grandpa, a camping trip, report cards, awards, the Beatles, and all kinds of things that made my life. My life. I never wrote much but just the few sentences I did write each day transported me back 42 years and reminded me that once I really and truly was, in fact, a child. Vulnerable and sweet and hopeful. Seeing my own youthful handwriting is an emotional experience. It feels like hearts touching. It feels as though I could almost look out the window and see that girl smiling back at me. I am very grateful for having remembered the diary. It is fascinating and immensely fulfilling to be able to see the whole picture put together and, in a way, put my arm around someone I had forgotten about and who is very worthy of remembering.

Grace doesn't keep a diary but after reading mine I told her that she should make a list of things that happened to her in her 9th year. Her list is as follows:

1. 9th Birthday party at Disneyland

2. Lori's father died

3. Grandpa came to visit from Denmark

4. 4th Grace class trip to Sacramento

6. 4th Grade Mission reports

7. Kellie's wedding

8. Mom lost job

9. Church cancelled kids choir

10. Vacation to Cancun

11. Ski Trip to Mammoth

12. Obama President

13. Michael Jackson died

14. Twin's Deb Ball

15. Miss Pettigrew

16. Twilight

In 42 years I hope she will look at that list and remember fully the sorrows and the joys that made up her young life this past year. I hope she will know, whoever she turns out to be, that she couldn't have gotten to be where she will be without this little girl that I get to tuck in bed tonight. It didn't occur to me, 10 years ago, to suggest this to my older girls - Amanda, Christine and Jennifer. I hope they have some way of remembering.

July 3, 1967. Today we finished my dress except for the hem. Debbie came over and we made a new routine for Barbra Streisand's "Second Hand Rose". Then we went to her house and she and Julie showed me their routine that they have to do tomorrow for the opening of a new park in Irvington. Daddy is going to get us up at 3 o'clock in the morning to go fishing. We're going to stay the whole day!!! Valri Jackson

July 3, 2009. Dear Diary: Today I celebrated my daughter's 10th birthday in Santa Monica!!! Then, for little while, I said hello to Valri Jackson!!! Valri Smith