It should be mentioned that I am not nervous that I won't get it. I am nervous that I will. Having spent the past several months without a job, I am no closer to knowing what I want to do than the day I was laid off. My conscience won't allow me to continue receiving unemployment insurance in this economy if viable work is available and offered, but I am frightened of taking something because I need to and then being unhappy. I don't want to be unhappy. Especially if I have to travel outside a 10 mile radius to do it. I want more time to ponder it. A little more time. Like, indefinitely.
My ideal job would have me sitting in a beautiful office. I would interact with clients and be pleasant to people. They would be pleasant to me. I would have no quotas or deadlines. I would simply do manageable work as it came in. Manageably. I would be called upon to entertain clients. But only lunches and never dinners and I would not have to drive. It would be within 15 minutes of my home. It would offer flexibility in schedule so that I could take care of personal business when it came up without fear of some colleague half my age looking at me disapprovingly because I didn't take my career seriously and resenting that I make twice as much. It would be a company that is solvent with no chance of folding or downsizing. It would offer comprehensive and excellent medical benefits. It might even offer a pension. Certainly a matching 401K. Oh, and six figures. Heard of any?
That is my ideal office job. This is my dream job: I would write of life's experiences and difficulties, mine and those I have observed. I would write of what I have learned. I would write of faith. And somehow it would be interesting and entertaining and funny and I would go to interesting places and talk to thousands of people I do not know and I would be a motivational speaker. There. Its out. That is what I want to do.
(Insert cricket sounds)*
Okay so I lied; I do know what I want to do. But really, who wants to just say that? That's like saying that you want to be a "celebrity spokes-model". It sounds stupid. Except I have seen motivational speakers. I have been moved by them. I have been entertained my them. And they can be impressive. They can make you feel differently and point you in the directions of making positive changes in your life. And Lord knows we could all use some of those. A purpose, remember?
I have a better shot at getting a job that matches my first description but here is the deal. I am going to try to do it. I know I would be good at it. It does not mean that I won't get a real job. I have to pay bills and we do need benefits. But I am going to try to pursue this little, ridiculous dream and see where it takes me. I am going to try to have more than "more of the same". "The same" has been good. "The same" still has its place, but I'm playing in the second half now and I may as well try to pass the goal line - to get there I need to take a risk, jump in the deep end, dream a bit bigger. And completely dump my purse.
I will post this, I will post this not, I will...
(*I have blatantly stolen that line from my friend Ted who is hilarious, a real writer, and who used it in his own blog, and it made me laugh out loud.)
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In alot of ways I, too, have lived a life stepping out onto opportunities that seemed to just float by me. But I've always believed that they presented themselves just when they were meant to.
ReplyDeleteThe time to reflect on what you REALLY want was presented to you. You thought. You realized. Now are you ready to step out??
(I hope the interview goes well. I understand about benefits too!)
I just had breakfast with a friend, and was sharing with her some of what you had written here. She's a lovely southern gal (DEEP south- Mississippi!) and her advice was, "Girl, you got to GRAB that dream! Don't you let it get away from you!" (There was also something in there about not getting any younger)
ReplyDeleteJobs pay the bills, and can give you a certain satisfaction, but a dream... that's God-given, and must be pursued! Go for it!!!